Five Things I’ve Learned in Five Months of Motherhood

1 - LIFE IS NOW LAUNDRY

I don’t know how it happens or where it all comes from but this is crazy! My new reality consists of trying to remember which pile is clean and which pile is dirty. It’s shocking how much influence a five-pound human can have on what I thought was a good system. These days, he has tripled in size and so has my mountain of clothes to wash. As I pick through what I hope is the clean pile each morning, it seems like a good way to remind my son just how powerful his influence can be. I just hope that influence is channeled more productively when he is thirty.

2- ALWAYS TAKE THE DIAPER BAG

I have this inner fear that I walk around with a flashing neon sign above my head that reads “rookie mom.” Now that I have just admitted that to the world, I’m not sure why it’s such a bad thing to be new at this. But the insecurity is real. In fact, I was so self-conscience of showing my cards that I decided we didn’t need to haul the big diaper bag into his first doctor’s appointment. At just five days old, I smugly thought we wouldn’t need it for the short, fifteen-minute checkup. After all, they just needed to weigh him, take a few measurements and we would be on our way. It’s fine, go ahead and laugh to yourself because I’m sure you know where this is going.

The next thing I knew, he was diaper-free on the scale and I watched a slow-motion fountain going right for the nurse. This wasn’t her first rodeo so she was able to quickly block the worst of it with his loose diaper. It was all fun and games until she said, "Ok mom, he’s ready for a fresh diaper!” Annnd there I was, the diaper bag-less, rookie mom I didn’t want to be. She kindly assured us that it happens all the time and pulled out a small stack of diapers and a little pack of wipes to send home with us. Talk about feeling unprepared. Lesson learned.

My very worry about being viewed as a newbie mom brought with it the ultimate rookie move. It’s wild how the more we dwell on the thing we fear, the more power we give to it.

This leads me to my next lesson…

3 - THEY WILL EVENTUALLY PEE ON YOU

I made it four months and twenty-three days before he peed on me. Everyone told me it would happen, especially since I have a boy. I heard countless stories and warnings of unexpected fountains but I had a strategy. I was determined to prove everyone wrong. Again with my new mom naivety. At first, I was cautious and moved quickly during each diaper change - leaving nothing uncovered. But soon, the days turned to weeks and I got overconfident. It was inevitable.

4- “NO” IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE

I blame my Midwest-polite, people-pleasing roots, but this one has been difficult. I’ve learned it is ok to say no and that “no” is a complete sentence.

I’ve found this to be especially necessary as a new mom. I am now entrusted to protect and provide for another life. Boundaries are not mean or insensitive. Boundaries are designed to have the opposite effect.

“Boundaries help us to distinguish our property so that we can take care of it. They help us to ‘guard our heart with all diligence.’ We need to keep things that will nurture us inside our fences and keep things that will harm us outside.” - Dr. Henry Cloud

While we should be mindful not to live in the extreme of assuming we know it all, we must guard ourselves against questioning every move, falling into comparison, and consuming every opinion as truth. I have learned we must have two types of boundaries: 1.) Boundaries with others, 2.) Boundaries with ourselves.

Boundaries with others can look like: declining to act on all advice, asking for space, setting limits on visits, choosing not to justify our choices to everyone, or asking for adjusted actions.

Boundaries with ourselves can look like: choosing who we follow/unfollow on social media, allowing ourselves to learn as we go, or being aware of what feeds comparison and self-doubt.

It is our God-given duty to protect what we are entrusted with. This includes our physical space, emotional health, and the spiritual well-being of our family and ourselves.

5 - THERE IS BLESSING IN HAVING A GOOD TRIBE

One of the most important things I have learned so far in motherhood is the value of having a tribe of women in your life who pray, support, listen, encourage and leave coffee on your porch.

We were made for community. We need each other. This applies beyond motherhood. It’s human. There will always be a choir of voices in our life but we get to choose which voices become the loudest. One of the most common questions I have been asked since having my son is “How’s motherhood?” It’s a kind question but I have learned that sometimes it is asked as a polite habit. I have found that sometimes the question-asker really just wants to make small talk and isn’t interested in the deeper answer. While there are some that accept a quick, shallow answer, there are those who dig deeper by pressing “But REALLY, how are you doing?” and show a genuine desire to listen, even if the answer isn’t rosy. I’ve learned a lot about my tribe based on these interactions and I’ve grown even closer to the ones who don’t mind my occasional long-winded answer.

I hope to never take for granted how important it is to find a tribe that will help you fold laundry piles, push past a simple “I’m ok” and laugh with you because their kids have peed on them too. There is so much value in giving and receiving that kind of compassion and companionship in motherhood.

So here’s to month five. The fun is just beginning.